jbrown

My apologies to to my faithful invisible followers (I know who you are) for my scarcity lately in my posts. This past month has been hectic with Christmas and New Years. You’ll all be happy to know, I’ve survived to see 2010. Let me clear something up right now, up front, we’ll be referring to 2010 as twenty-ten. Please disseminate this information amongst yourselves.

You may be confused about the title of this post “From Russia With Love”. No I have not been in Russia visiting our Siberian friends. This post qualifies for a rant/humorous story.

Today, one of our ex clients, I’ll call her Miss X, called completely irate. The reason you might ask? That’s really not important, the important part for you to know was just that it was just ridiculous. A few minutes later Miss X came storming into our office screaming like a banshee! Oh boy, I thought this was going to be a replay of a couple years ago when Jim had to “help” a client out of our office.

I was in my office, trying not to laugh hysterically as she screams “Your office smells like piss! It smells like someone peed on the carpet!” Seriously, are you that immature that you just have to make random things up? Then she yelled that we were being sooooo rude to her because she’s Russian! Madame, I’m sorry but my problem with you isn’t because of your Siberian descent, but because of the fact that your a blatant liar! But for the record, we were not nor have we ever been rude to you or mistreated you.

So Miss X, please accept my love, from Russia and get the hell out G’Day!

Ohh yes and while we’re talking about humorous things, I saw a woman fly over the handle bars of her bicycle the other day while I was waiting at a light on my way home

jbrown

A recent new study by the University of Utah only states the obvious: Texting While Driving Still Isn’t Safe. I know what you’re thinking; you’re shocked, just as I was! I can’t imagine why taking your eyes off the road to compose a text message hasn’t suddenly become safe! Why did UoU decide it was necessary to conduct a study on this subject matter? I didn’t have to spend thousands, possibly tens of thousands to tell you that texting while driving is unsafe, it’s just common sense.

I would have liked to be present during that brain storming session. I can only imagine the discussion. “What should we conduct a study on? Cancer cures? No, that’s so cliché! AIDS cures? No, that’s so 1990’s. Texting! Yeah that’s it, texting! Texting is so in demand now, everyone will love the study!” I just fail to see the importance of yet another study on this subject matter when there are so many other worthwhile causes that need attention.

If you’re at all interested, here’s the news link: Texting, You’ll DIE!

That’s my mini rant for the day

Cheers,

-Jered
Portland’s Underground Inkslinger
Conducting One Useless Study at a Time

jbrown

Here we go; more controversy. What is it over this time? The loo, of course.

There’s a cool little park in the Pearl District called Jamison Square. In the summer it is filled with kids playing in the water and just having fun. Problem? Where do they go to the bathroom? That’s right, they probably pee in water. The obvious solution would be to install a public restroom. Simple, right? No, says dwellers of the Pearl.

I understand all of the usual concerns. What if an attacker is hiding in the can at night when I’m walking home? It will smell like public toilet in my neighborhood, I pay good money to live here and not smell toilet!

I laughed at some of the other complaints of the high-rise dwellers. Jane What’s Her Face doesn’t want to see someone relieving themselves from her fourth story window. I’m sure there are numerous similar complaints from many residents who live above the potty level. I’m surprised that someone would design a restroom with a see-through ceiling.  It will also create a blind spot for drivers and they may not see the children happily skipping into the street.

These complaints seem legitimate. I don’t understand the controversy, they are simple enough to address!

Jered’s 4 easy ways to fix the controversial loo:

1. Put a regular roof on the loo – Peepers, foiled

2. Have the door automatically lock at dusk – Would be bathroom attackers, foiled

3. Change the location – Motorists now a have a clear view of the playground. Curbside potty, moved.

4. Smell, well I guess you’ll just have to hold your breath when you walk by. (Not every neighborhood can be perfect)

Problem Solved!

If you’d like to read the full controversial story, check out KGW.com.

‘Till the next bathroom controversy,

Jered
-Portland’s Underground Inkslinger
Solving One Bathroom Emergency After Another!

Jbrown

What is it with Portland’s city leaders? Honestly, why do they think it’s necessary to frivolously spend all of our money?

So now they want to MOVE the streetcar that they pushed for so hard. Well the new Oregon Sustainability Center, a $100m, 13 floor project just wouldn’t be complete without a street car. OF COURSE! Why didn’t I think of that?

May I draw your minds to the OHSU aerial tram that was ridiculously over budget? I think we can safely assume that the $4m estimate to move the tracks of the street car will seem like bargain discount price once they’ve had their way of completing the completely unneeded project.

10 ways the city can put $4m to better use:

Contribute $4m to the broke Portland Public School District
Pave some of the UNPAVED streets in SE Portland
Stir up some jobs for the homeless people on W Burnside
Feed the homeless people on W Burnside
House the homeless families of Portland
Feed the NOT homeless, unemployed families of Portland
Help families survive the winter by offsetting their energy costs so they don’t freeze to death
Fix the Sellwood Bridge that is getting ready to fall into the Willamette
Clean-up the Willamette
Repave streets that ACTUALLY need it

If you haven’t noticed, this really pissed me off. Why must we employed people drag ourselves to work EVERY day so that our leaders can piss away our tax money?

If this pisses you off too, send Commissioner Dan Saltzman an email. I sent mine from portlandonline.com. I received an auto reply from dan@ci.portland.or.us, feel free to try that one, in fact, try both.

The only way this kind of frivolous spending will change, is if we stand-up to be heard. So with that regard, PISS AND MOAN away! (my favorite pastime).

Read the whole story at KGW.com.